The Modern Mrs.

 

 My name is Jaclyn and I am a 30 year old, married, mother of a 1 year old baby girl. I love to blog about love, life, marriage, motherhood, and everything in between. Follow me as I chronicle the adventures of my modern life. These are my originial thoughts, opinions, and experiences. I am not an expert... I just live.


Events
Monday
Oct312011

If Only I could Muster Up An Ounce of Surprise...

So a few months ago I wrote a post about the likelihood that Kim and Kris would remain married for an extended amount of time. Shortly after I took the post down because I didn't want to send negativity out into the world and I thought it was important to be positive.

Today I'm saying FORGET THAT! 

It's only been 72 days y'all!

The fairytale special just finished airing! 

Me? Surprised? Not a chance!

To be candid, I seriously doubt any one is. As I stated in previous posts, I used to love KUWTK, I thought it was an entertaining show, however now I am just so over it, over them! It's out of control and too much of them every where. I certainly did not watch the "fairytale"because I called it what it was from the start... a sham! 

Please do not get me wrong, I truly believe divorce is awful and tragic. I'm not making light of the devastation people often feel when their marriage fails. It's heartbreaking. BUT, can anyone truly say they believed that THIS marriage would last? Maybe. I don't know. 

It upsets me though, because it's almost as if she has been elevated to the level of an icon, for what I am not sure, and is laughing all the way to the bank solely based off of poor decisions. Young women look up to her and I just hate that this is what people think is "winning". For some one who is dedicated to the sanctity of marriage, it particularly disturbs me when people enter marriage for all the wrong reasons. These two did not have what it took to be boyfriend and girlfriend let alone husband and wife.

Make wise decisions. Marriage is not a game. Marriage is not a fairytale. It's hard work. It's a real commitment to a real person before God. It's something to play around with. She so desperately wanted this wedding and it was ostentatious and as over the top as you could get, but who will remember that? All people will remember is how much of a hoopla it was and how short it lasted. I really hope this causes her to spend sometime with herself and figure out what is going on on the inside.

That's my soap box for the day! 

Monday
Oct312011

Getting Back at It

Hello my dear friends! I am so sorry for slacking on the posts. There is nothing that bothers me more than going to a blog expecting something new and not seeing updates for days (in my case weeks!). So I apologize and I thank you for continuing to read and check in with me.

The past couple of weeks have been hectic to say the least. Truth be told, I've just been tired. Exhausted.

That's no excuse. I'm back. I hope to update posts I've been working on and let you all know what's been going on! Thanks again for hanging in there with me.

Monday
Oct242011

Relationship in Review

When we were dating, my husband then boyfriend, had a wonderful habit of doing a year in review after each of our anniversaries. It was interesting because he would ask things like

“What we best part?”

 “Worst part?”

“Something you’d change?”

 “Moving forward what can we change?”

It was so interesting to me. I never knew some one could care so much. He really is good at communicating. By him doing that I knew he was committed to our relationship and making it the best it could be. I knew he really cared about my feelings.

Thinking back on that I thought, “This is great advice!”

I think it is very helpful to be introspective and do reviews or evaluations on your relationship ever so often.  It’s a great way to address issues and show that you are both committed to the relationship. In a way it helps to reconnect you to the relationship because you can renew and reinvest.

 

Monday
Oct242011

Curing Curiosity 

What do you do when curiosity starts to get the best of you?

In previous posts I have talked about the importance of respecting privacy in relationships. I’m big on privacy and trust, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t get curious. Because of games, Facebook, game scores, etc. your sig-o might spend a lot of time on his/her phone, which may cause you to wonder. Not because you suspect something, or due to lack of trust, but simply out of pure curiosity.  I think it is 100% natural to want to know what your sig-o is doing when he/she is on their phone.

So…

How do you cure the curiosity?

Some people believe if you have an itch, scratch it. Some people believe in fighting the feeling.

You could even be up front and just flat out say you’re curious. Or do a phone swap. Some times not knowing is worse than knowing. Whatever you do, do it in a way that won’t cause long term damage to your relationship.

Along those same lines, if you are planning on sneaking a peak, make sure you’re ready. I’m a firm believer in not asking questions that you’re not ready for the answer. In the same vein, you have to mentally prepare yourself for how you will handle any bad information that you do stumble upon.

Just because you are curious doesn't mean you're crazy or insecure. It's how you go about curing the curiosity that might lead to such labels. Above all else don't let the curiosity get the best of you. Understand it for what it is and move on. Don't give it the opportunity to manifest itself in other ways that could potentially hurt your relationship. 

Friday
Oct142011

No thank you!

It’s simple but if you think about it, as women, as people, our biggest breakthroughs happen at the end of a “No thanks, I’m good on that”.

As women, and as parents of female children (though this applies to males as well), we need to train ourselves and our young women to say "NO THANK YOU".

In essence, “I’m better than that and I don't need that.”

To all my parents out there, train your daughters how to BE loved and what to expect from love. The best thing my mom always said to me was “I will not cast my pearl before a swine, you are my pearl”. It took me years until I fully understood what it meant but once I did, it empowered me. I knew I was important. Valued. I knew my mother would fight tooth and nail to ensure that I did not want or have to settle for any non sense that came my way. She taught me to spot foolishness and turn the other way. My father would always tell me if I ever needed anything, that I would get it from him. No matter what. He was very serious about that. Not to say that he bought me whatever my heart desired but I always knew my dad would supply my needs and I didn’t have to seek outside sources. My parents made me feel secure, confident, and prized.

I always say one of the reasons why I blog is because I want to show that healthy relationships exist among young African Americans, but today I thought I needed to address the root. I truly believe that my parents' dilligence in instilling in me how much I was worth, is what led me to such a wonderful man; a man whose parents also instilled in him how to love and BE loved.

If you don't have that foundation, it's never too late to fall in love with yourself. 

This has nothing to do with being conceited (but if that's what it takes I can't say I would argue with that). This is about being able to say “No thank you” to potential distracters and inappropriate people what will seek entry into your life. This is about pure self love and self fulfillment.

Spend time on yourself. Spend time with yourself, by yourself. Get to know who you are and what you want. Become your biggest fan. Then find the person that is willing to compete with you for that position.

*Cue* Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of All"

Just a little encouragement to start your weekend off right!